


Letting go

by Robin11



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:33:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28752963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robin11/pseuds/Robin11
Summary: Lily reflects on the whirlwind romance she'd thrown herself into after breaking up with James Potter.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Kudos: 4





	Letting go

**Author's Note:**

> Hi beautiful people :)  
> I hope you're all having a wonderful day.   
> This is a little bit different than what I've done so far, hope you enjoy. 
> 
> I'm not JKR, just some nerd who writes for fun. Yup.

‘You don’t have the guts.’ Turning to see the glint of challenge in his face, Lily let out a harsh laugh, and grabbed for the branch. Clambering higher and higher, balancing precariously, one false twig, one misstep and she would be on the floor. Lying spread-eagled, her hair would be fanning out over the floor like spilt wine, mixing with the blood that would pool around her. But he’d dared her. Up, up, until she found the one she was looking for, and wrapping her legs around it, she swung herself upside down. He looked up from his phone, his eyes sparkling with admiration, grinning at her, laughing in disbelief. She felt its effect course through her, swelling her with pride, ballooning her lungs until she felt like letting go from happiness. She swung upside down for a little bit longer, basking in the perfection of the moment.

The holiday had been a tornado, she’d met him scooping ice cream, and had spent the entire summer tangled in his life. He’d said she wasn’t looking for anything serious, and she agreed. She wasn’t. Her last relationship had been...it didn’t do to dwell. He’d taught her that. ‘People make mistakes every day, if we’re going to hold every single little thing over everyone we’d never get anywhere.’ He’d been smoking, and she’d sat on the wall he was leaning on, breathing in the words as if they were the smoke that curled around her nostrils. Everyone said he was bad, and it was thrilling. After what happened...she deserved something fun. She’d done things with him she’d never done before, seen things that she didn’t think she’d ever see. It was intoxicating, the more she was with him the more urgent the feeling became that she could never leave him. Every second spent alone was agony, every second with him bliss. He was life and death rolled into one, the living breathing cliche. Except he was different, because the bad boy cliches had an unhealthy obsession with their girls. He had a normal attachment to her, her last… it was so completely different.

He wouldn’t text her goodnight or good morning, he waited for her to text him. If she was tired, or sick then that would be it. He wouldn’t call her for hours, asking her how she was. It was so freeing. They were casual, they’d never seen a movie together at midnight in their socks, they spent all their time exploring. No restrictions, no limits. He’d gone with her when she had gotten a tattoo of his name. He’d held her hand while she did it, and brushed her tears away later in the alley, where he had her up against a wall. 

They danced right in the reach of fire, never quite close enough for the flames to consume them entirely, and she thought she was in love. Dizzy, they went in circles and circles, never never enough. She’d broken her arm trying to run from his friends, and he’d picked her up at the hospital, no explanation, only unwrapping a condom as he relaxed into her hospital bed. ‘Never show pain Lily,’ he’d whispered against her ear, ‘You’re a Gryffindor, you know better.’ And she did. That was the last time she’d shown him her pain. He didn’t need her tears, what use were they? It was how you came back from it, how you forgave and just moved on that showed your strength. It was what she whispered to herself every time she found him with another girl. It was casual, she was burning, falling, spinning, trying to hold onto him as she threw her head back and screamed.

She was on the ground, her hair fanning out like blood red wine, her eyes bright and glassy, staring at the branches above her. Birds hopped from one branch to the other, dutifully building their nests, their worlds over which they had complete control. She'd let go. 

After that summer, sitting alone in the abortion clinic, she was able to regret. Shivering, she’d drawn her jacket tighter around her, crying to make up for all the times she stopped her tears for him, for everything she’d stoppered tightly into a bottle and chucked into the sea. It had all come back, all of it. Opening her phone, she scrolled through the last message she’d sent, it still hadn’t been read. He’d probably changed his phone number, didn’t want anything to do with her. Rubbing the ‘James’ on her thigh, she smiled thinly. He hadn’t known that she’d gotten it for her last boyfriend, not him. A lady with a clipboard stepped forward, ‘Lily Evans?’ Nodding, she got up, breathing deeply, leaving her phone behind.

\- I miss you  
Read just now


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